i feel like i'm 2 feet tall all over again. i'm staring at the cookie jar at the very top shelf. it stares back.
i pull a stool that helps me reach higher. tip my toes, stretch my arms up as high as my little physique allows me, but to no avail. still 6 inches too short. should i stack another stool and risk falling down and getting hurt? or should i forgo the cookies and settle for the loaf of plain white bread lying on the table that's within my reach?
bread will fill me up. but it's no chewy chunky chocolate chip cookie.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Pres. Arapata Meha.
there. a piece of daily brilliance to compensate for the lack of mine.
It's been too long of a hiatus. so long, that i don't know where to begin.
while most of you are munching on your roti canai, accompanied by your milo ice, my butt is still stuck here in hawaii. not that it's anything to complain about. but i do miss home immensely.
exactly a week ago, a student in our campus committed suicide. a first in BYUH history. it is indeed a tragedy because he was loved. he had friends. good friends. he even had a girlfriend who prior to his death, seemed happy together.
*click* if you wanna learn more about him. he wasn't the typical loner that you would imagine. there are speculations about why he killed himself. but i think whatever happened or went through his mind is now between him and God. i just hope his family is at peace.
i say this, because although BYUH is a church college, it is not perfect. not everyone is doing what they're supposed to, but i am still grateful that i decided to come here.
i am in awe of what all my peers here are capable of doing. they pretty much run PCC. the highest paid attraction in all of oahu. they are wise beyond their age, always knowing what's right to say. not 'seriously just punch him in the face and get some ice cream!' but 'humble yourself and go talk to him, you are doing this for yourself'.
having been here i am more susceptible of the Lord's miracles. the sun, sea and sand... how can people even doubt that there is a God?
This school is not as prestigious as many other schools in mainland. but it has taught me life long lessons that are even more precious to me.
i've been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints since birth. (not at all affiliated to the Fundamental LDS church who's been in the limelight lately.) but in the past i have not been the person i was taught to be. i was self-centered, lazy, arrogant, stubborn at best. i was taught all those things but i did not apply them in my life. in other wards, i have been a big fat hypocrite.
all those wishes for my birthday.. i really wonder why i have so many friends to begin with. let alone have close friends whom have done more than i will ever need them to do for me.
i don't know but i can honestly say that i am a changed person since i've been here. i have not mastered it but i am trying my very best to put others first ahead of me. i am also learning to be patient and trusting in my heavenly father.
"Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve." coming to hawaii may have been the best thing that's ever happened to me. people here, in this school particularly, are so encouraging. back home, i feel like nothing i do is ever good enough. i'm just this average girl of average height and weight, who's averagely smart, from an average family, averagely athletic, who's averagely alright looking...
not that i suddenly feel i'm all that great, but i just feel more appreciated and that i'm worth something.
here, instead of trying to beat you down and forcing you into the rat race, you see a reason to stop for a moment to smell the plumeria.
i ask all atheist: if you don't believe in anything then isn't science just horror and phantasm? are you asserting that you are studying to know how life eventually leads to nothing? think about it.
i hope all of you know that you all have the capability to change someone's life. if not their life, their week. or their day.
outside my window they sang a birthday song for me. my first surprise party you don't even know how loved i feel.
i kept getting creamed and wiped it off and getting creamed and wiped it off so i figured why not get a whip mustache.
rewind to 2 months back. i hooked up with this guy named isaac. everything started out great. our first date was counting shooting stars while we camped out on sunset beach. everything was a dream. in fact it was too good to even be a dream.
but somewhere in between things started to fall apart. and then last week we broke up. it was hard letting him go. but just yesterday i can see why it's absolutely necessary for us to separate.
the relationship may have been a 9.999999. but it wasn't a 10. this was a guy i liked a lot. so much that in the short 2 months we made plans to meet parents, discuss how we would manage our finances so that by next year or so we can be married.
chick lits and chick flicks teach you that you should not try to change the person that you love. they deceivingly imply that if you have found 'the one', two of you will fit like a glove, happily ever after follows.
the questions you should ask yourself is: does he do all he can to make you happy? is he willing to sacrifice for you? with good reason, will he change the things that you don't like about him? and are you willing to do the same for him?
a life long relationship will take all the effort and sacrifice you can imagine. perhaps i was too in love with him, i accepted his flaws as it is. never realizing, until now, that i was keeping him from becoming the man he ought to be, in order to become a loving husband and dad.
i too, have to right some past wrongs. if it were not for this break up, i would have thought that is it unnecessary. or that it didn't matter.
this past week i have been praying a lot. and i do feel Him lifting me up because it's not loneliness that i feel. it's peace.
the answer to my prayers is " in separation we will grow" grow apart? spiritually? mentally? emotionally? physically? closer? i do not know. all i know is whatever happened was for the best.
i hope he will find a girl that he can love and treat like a princess. he's a great, amazing guy who only deserves the best for him. it'll be a little while more until i scurry off to find one for myself though. life is great as it is right now. the boys who are queuing up for me lines all the way to waikiki. (just kidding)
in 6 months of being here, i feel like my wisdom grew 6 years.
i really want you guys to see how amazing this place is. and how wonderful the people here are. i love it.
now that i've told you how i'm doing, how have YOU been doing?
today has been uneventful. well, sundays usually are. church, eat, sleep, full stop. i just feel that having had a few 'interesting' days, i'm afraid i've used up all the happy for this week. not that it isn't a happy day. it's been great, really. blithe yet solemn.
but you know what made my day better?
HAH HAH HAHAHAHAHAHAA..... HI-LARIOUS RIGHT?!!!
HAPPY TURNING 2 DECADES YEAR OLD . LIMCHERNHAN!!
here are some pictures of us looking bad together:
we'll take more ugly pictures when we meet next time! which is i don't know when. :(
TODAY I JUMPED OFF THE WAIMEA ROCKS! of course that picture is googled. sara had her digital and so do i, but it's no dslr. =(
so what *we* did was:
some kid left this poor cow soft toy. i wanted to take it home! but i wasn't sure if the boy was still around. and if he'll come back to look for it. poor cow.
okay then they persuaded me to attempt suicide. okay la not really but heights really is my greatest fear. i'm heightophobic!
i'm so not looking down!
blur but can see it's us right?
THAT was how i landed. i didn't at all think bout controlling my body. all i was thinking of is: omg i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die!!!!!!!!!!!! so now, there's a big splotch of bruise on my whole frikkin thighs! great! after that jump i was so light headed i swear i nearly drowned. james had to drag me to shore cos i was too weak to swim there. the waves were too strong and it keeps pulling me back in shore!!
okay, i did that just so i can say that i jumped off the waimea rocks. i doubt i'll ever do that again. if i do, i'll need a super canggih camera to take a vid that'll last a lifetime. and that time, i'll do it right. no more landing like a dumbo!
how awesome is this shot? my face c.m.i but i still love it. with the rainbow behind us and all... all the mat sallehs were cheering and saying 'that was awesome guys" not sure if they were mocking us but what the heck we got this shot whee~
okay the last of all the pictures are up. :) hope you guys enjoyed looking at them as much as we had fun taking em. peace.